Nighttime Hosts Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Visa Scheme

Television's leading entertainers devoted the broadcast criticizing President Donald Trump's just launched immigration program, dubbed the "golden visa," characterizing it as a obvious pay-for-access system for the rich.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock holiday song about the commander-in-chief. "He is compiling a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he sang. "Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The focus was the controversial program which permits foreign nationals to purchase U.S. residency for an investment of a million dollars, with a "platinum" option for five million. An official page guarantees approval "with unprecedented speed."

"A brief note here to rich applicants: before you fork over the cash, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "get cash" from companies wanting to hire skilled workers, with significant fees. "That is a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he added.

"The best background check the government has ever done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these applicants completely qualify to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Scathing Critique

On his late-night program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"This is a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel teased the lack of detail of the form, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to tackle cost of living, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, and reacted oddly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump stated. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so fucking weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by targeting right-leaning news coverage of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.